"Just let it go."
I hear people say this all the time. I say it frequently to people. I practice it regularly myself. Recently I discovered that what I thought " Letting Go" was, maybe wasn't at all.
First off, let me describe what "letting go" is: It is the ability to release a bargain that we are unconsciously holding ourselves hostage to.
Usually a situation occurs like someone said or did something, we lost a job, a friend or a loved one and there is grief, sadness or anger tied in. We go over and over the situation in our minds, obsess over it and feel the negative emotions that are tied into them strongly, usually daily. Why do we hang on so strongly? That is the bargaining part. It is because we have made the unconscious decision to hold ourselves hostage in a deep, dark place until "justice" is served. Usually the justice is something that can never occur. You see our unconscious mind operates at about a 7-8 year old level and it's rarely, how shall I say it? REALISTIC.
The end result is being stuck in negative emotion and never having the justice served.
Then we hear people, like me saying to us " just let it go!" You wonder to yourself, "How the ef, do I do THAT?!?" Great question!
It's an inside job. The secret ingredient is awareness.
Just knowing what you know now about the unconscious mind and its ability to hold you hostage due to a bargaining tactic that will never see justice can be a huge a-ha for many people. Although, if you are anything like I was, it might not be enough. If so, with your newly discovered awareness on the topic you can add the following "practice steps":
1. Allow tears or any other emotion to flow. Tears show up with sadness (obviously) , but they can bubble up with anger, frustration, guilt, fear, hurt too. Let them out. If you believe that tears are a sign of weakness, knock that sh!t off!!! Not true. It's just not. Men and women need to let tears out. It's the releasing part! If you push the tears down you are gluing yourself into "stuck".
Just stop it ! If the urge strikes, Cry. If you need to rage and hit something, do it safely and join a kickboxing class or invest in a punching bag and boxing gloves.
2. Laugh. Some people don't sense an urge to become a pool of tears. Some people upon reflection and understanding of a situation laugh or I see people laugh through their tears and they say it's because they felt a lifting or release and suddenly there is joy. Yep! I see it all the time with my clients.
3. Acceptance: Every situation that we can't let go of has a deeper lesson. Find the lesson and you are freed. It's easier to find the lesson after you allow your body to physically release and "let go". That's why I put it in the number 3 spot: accept that you learned something out of the situation. Learning the lesson tied into the situation is cathartic and is key to releasing ourselves as hostage.
4. Calm is what you will be left with. When you have your lesson, felt your emotion and allowed it to express up and out of you - you have successfully let go. Congratulations!
Life is one beautiful lesson after another. Sometimes disguised in tradgedy or disaster. No matter how big or small there is a lesson. Allow yourself to be human and emote, it's necessary. Don't allow your 7-8 yr old unconscious mind to hold you hostage. Now you have a little more awareness and my hope is another piece to the puzzle of how to let go.
My deepest desire is to help end people's suffering and if you are suffering I hope this helps ❤️
~with love, Julie xo